Renova H&PC-53742 3 Ply Soft Black Toilet Loo Tissue
Well, Robert has officially crossed over to the Darkside…of toilet paper that is. One wipe and he was hooked on the delightfully dark rolls. We do hope that he is over-exaggerating when he says that this toilet tissue is his life now.
Word of warning to potential buyers: Avoid getting sucked into a black hole of toilet paper admiration like poor Robert here. There is more to life, people!
BIC “For Her” Medium Ballpoint Pen
The feminist movement has certainly come a long way. Women are now able to get behind the wheels of a car, hold high-ranking positions in business, and are allowed to have a say when it comes to who runs the country. Heck, some women even run countries!
But as this review points out, thank goodness BIC created a special pen just for ladies so they can accomplish the masculine task of writing.
Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife
Contrary to popular belief, this is not a Transformer. Nor is it a giant magnet that all your kitchen gadgets attached themselves to. As the review explains, this is a heavy-duty Swiss Army knife, reserved for the toughest, burliest, most rugged of men!
Too bad the female reviewer didn’t know its powers before touching it… Oh well, we guess her father now has the son he never had.
Where Is Baby’s Belly Button?
As any author worth their ink will tell you, a good mystery is one where the reader is left guessing throughout the novel. Just as he or she is completely convinced that they have worked out exactly “whodunnit”, a plot twist is thrown into the works and there is an entire new breadcrumb trail to follow.
The real mystery for this customer however is just how on earth their toddler continues to find the book!
Potato Pal
In order to climb the corporate ladder, it's imperative to think outside the box. Cardboard business cards? Pssh. Follow this reviewer's advice and add some starch to your stationery.
We never thought we'd want a potato with our faces printed on it, but here we are...ordering an entire box. Never say never!
Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
You know what they say, always read the fine print! Well, this reviewer apparently didn't read the large print either. It's pretty clear that "great for cereal" means sliced bananas are great for cereal.
Another tip-off that this product was made to slice bananas is its... banana shape.
Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy
We could all use an extra friend, even if that said friend happens to be inflatable. As Robert pointed out, the pros are plentiful. The tube guy will always have a smile on his face and greet you with a funky dance.
The cons? The tube guy needs batteries to operate and you know... it's not sentient. But hey, who are we to judge a friendship between a man and a waving tube.
Star Wars: Battlefront (Deluxe Edition) — PlayStation 4
You’ve just started playing a new video game. It’s good — even great. The graphics are top-notch, the storyline is engaging, and before you know it, it’s 3 AM and you’ve forgotten to eat for the last 8 hours.
Well, it turns out it's not just mealtimes you end up missing. Caution, this game may make you forget that your significant other exists! Sure gaming is fun, but it doesn't make for a great snuggle partner.
Haribo Sugar-Free Gummy Bears
Our advice? As cute and colorful as these gummy bears may be, don’t try them all at once unless you have a strong stomach (ahem). The last few years have seen sugar becoming a pariah as many people attempt to cut the carbs out of their daily diets.
The trend has led to a rise in sugar substitutes, but as you can see, the results are not always that sweet (okay, we’ll stop now).
Rubber Penguin Mask
It can be tough being a kid. Adults want you to eat bitter green things that they claim are healthy and make you grow, and playtime never seems quite long enough… And sometimes, your dad gets replaced by a scary penguin with an enormous beak who wants to sing lullabies to you so that you’ll fall asleep!
Who needs the bogeyman when Amazon sells these masks?
Copper Healing Pyramid
While we don't relish in this reviewer's disappointment after purchasing this "mediation pyramid," we do love finding the silver (or uhm..copper) lining even in the most underwhelming purchases.
In this case, out of the ashes of a bad buy, came the perfect pyramid-scheme pun. We love to see it!
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream
The beauty industry is mainly targeted toward women, but that doesn’t mean that men don’t like being pampered once in a while. Most beauty salons have been designed as havens of femininity, making some Y-chromosome owners feel unwelcome to visit for their waxing requirements.
The result is often a DIY job with products like these, which, as you can see, are perfect for achieving a (hopefully) hairless torso and "burnt tire" fragrance. Very manly!
UFO Detector
One of the most popular series during the ‘90s was undoubtedly "The X-Files." Agents Mulder and Scully knew the truth was out there — they just had to find it. And that is where this little gadget comes in.
The bizarre-looking device is supposed to assist in finding those unidentifiable extraterrestrials, but, alas this one appears to be defective. We hope the reviewer gets a replacement soon; UFO abductions can really mess up one's weekend.
Nexus Silent Wired Mouse
Click. Click. Clickety click. Technology may have advanced to the point of touchscreens, but some computer users still prefer using a mouse — and all the clicking it comes with. While those using said mouse may be concentrating so hard on their task that they become immune to that irritating clickety click click, the same cannot often be said for those in the vicinity.
We can only imagine how many couples put down “used mouse too loudly” as grounds for a divorce.
The Wolf of Wall Street
Ah, a classic case of false advertising. No, there are no wolves in this Academy Award-nominated film from Martin Scorsese about a New York City stockbroker who committed abundant fraud during his time on Wall Street.
For more misleading titles and further disappointment, please also see "Silence of the Lambs," "Reservoir Dogs," "A Clockwork Orange," "The Squid and the Whale," "The Constant Gardener," and "12 Monkeys."
English Grammar for Dummies
English is the most widely spoken language in the world, with at least 1.3 billion people able to converse somewhat in the Queen’s tongue. In spite of this, English grammar often falls by the wayside.
Thankfully, this book exists, but as you can see, this reviewer may need another read-through.
Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable
While you may have thought time travel was reserved for science-fiction films, it appears that this cable is your...connection...to another dimension!
However, heed this reviewer's warning! Purchasing (or selling) a used cable may result in meeting your past (or future) self and a disruption in the space-time continuum. For humanity's sake, just buy a new cable.
Seaweed Extract Capsules
According to health practitioners, eating seaweed can improve thyroid function, stabilize one’s blood sugar, lower cholesterol levels, and boost vitamin levels.
Hmm, it seems the capsules provided some unforeseen...uhm...belches for this reviewer. Unless you want a gassy reminder of the ocean now and then, perhaps this product is not for you.
Microsoft Windows 95
We have to admire the enthusiasm and eagerness of this "reviewer" to leave a review on this product. Who says you need to actually have purchased or used the product to leave a review? Not this person. Nope. They are an Amazon review-rebel!
We should all be inspired by this. Follow your dreams! We can all be who we want to be, even if that's a reviewer who hasn't actually reviewed anything.
Uranium Ore
Science nerds, raise your hands — this one is for you. For the rest of us who wouldn’t know something radioactive if it blew up in our faces, uranium ore deposits come from within the Earth’s crust and decrease as it degrades.
The half-life of uranium-238 is around 4.5 billion years, hence only half was found in this container. Class dismissed. You’re welcome.
Half a Keyboard
Wordle has taken over the world with everyone and their mother seemingly playing the once-a-day game that puts one’s vocabulary skills to the test. Most players will say that Wordle is hard enough with all 26 letters of the alphabet provided, so we can only imagine trying to play with this keyboard!
What inspired someone to create a keyboard without most of the letters — including some of the most commonly used in the English language — we’re not really sure, but it seems a bit of a half-assed job.
Zen Garden Litter Box
We have a feeling that whoever buys this little piece of...cr*p won't feel very zen at all! One of the downsides of adopting a four-legged friend is having to deal with their...erm...excrement. So why on earth would anyone purchase a miniature version of the dreaded litterbox?
However, it does seem that this reviewer is well aware that purchasing this item is akin to throwing money down the drain...or litterbox. Haha.
Microwave Cooking for One
Adulting is hard. Not only do you have to pay rent, do your own laundry, and try to make sense of life without having an existential crisis, but you also have to figure out what to make for dinner every. single. night.
This recipe book is designed to ensure that you don’t just eat crackers for every meal, but perhaps call a friend while cooking so the food isn’t over-salted…
Archie Mcphee Instant Underpants
This reviewer has had it! What had the potential to put an end to the tedious task of getting underwear from a drawer and putting them on your body just didn't live up to expectations.
It seems that Archie Mcphee intended the word "instant" to be interpreted more loosely by customers. Be warned, you may have to resort to wearing "standard underwear." Gasp!
Bacon Flavored Mints
When Heston Blumenthal first arrived on the scene, much of the food-eating world thought the British chef wasn't a full fridge if you know what we mean. What business did he have making snail porridge and bacon-and-egg ice cream?!
But as people soon discovered, old Heston was a genius. His food was delicious and his outrageous flavor combinations just somehow worked. This, apparently, did not.
Horse Head Mask
Wanting to blend into a crowd inconspicuously? This, apparently, is the way to do it… With all due respect, we feel as though wearing a giant rubber horse’s head is going to attract double the amount of attention, but hey, you do you.
Worst case scenario, people mistake you for a washed-up TV-star horse who had a hit series in the ‘90s and is trying to get his acting career back on track (shout out, BoJack Horseman fans!)
NNBB Garden Gloves with Fingertips Claws
The claws are out! Has your pomeranian gotten a little too big for its (furry) boots? Well serve up a slice of humble pie with these garden claws and show your pet who's boss.
Perhaps this reviewer could pair up with their precious pup to make a digging dream team!
Gigantic Blow-Up Beach Ball
Ah, summer days by the beach. Hearing the waves crashing against the shore, the seagulls cawing overhead, the bliss of lying back against the sand without a care in the world… except that a gigantic red, blue, and yellow beach ball is coming your way at the speed of light and destroying everything in its path!
If you’re planning on buying this danger to humanity, we ask that you please play with it on a deserted island and NOT on a crowded beach or...we can't believe we have to say this but...NOT in your living room. Thank you.
Accouterments Bacon Soap in Tin
In an age of dating apps and swiping right to find love, there is something rather sweet (or should we say salty?) about this reviewer's real-life romantic interaction.
They say that the way to man's heart is through his stomach, so maybe this reviewer is onto something. If you want to find love, then it's time to replace your lavender-scented body wash with this bar of bacon soap.
Green Power Ranger Costume
If you grew up in the ‘90s there is a chance that you were glued to your TV screens each week when the "Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers" came on.
The show inspired tons of kids to dress up as the characters in color-coded skin-tight suits, with everyone having their favorite go-to Power Ranger. As you can see, this reviewer was Green Ranger all the way, baby, despite losing their sense of sight. Now that's a dedicated fan!
Wolves Howling at the Moon Printed T-Shirt
We've all heard the saying "dress for the job you want" but this is just ridiculous. We hope that this reviewer found a place in the wolfpack! However, may we recommend trying to find a pack of humans to befriend first? Just you know, to avoid being mauled by wolves.
Perhaps a kitten, duckling, or fluffy bunny shirt would do the trick?
Zippo 4 Oz. Lighter Fluid
This is a literal case of a product doing exactly what it says on the tin. No ifs, ands, or buts. No instances of mistaken identity. No false advertising. Just exactly what you’d expect it to be.
The reviewer said it best: looking for 4 ounces of a flammable liquid that will enable you to set things on fire? Great, you’ve got it. Add to cart.
UV Flashlight Black Light, Vansky 51 LED Blacklight Pet Urine Detector for Dog/Cat Urine
Caution! You're-in (get it?...ur-in...like urine. Ok we'll stop) for a massive shock the first time you use this gadget, at least according to this review. Be prepared to never see your delightful dog or cuddly cat the same way again.
This review is a rarity in that it criticizes a product for working TOO well. Giving a product a 5-star rating and then declaring it to be the "Worst thing I've ever bought" makes little sense to us.
French Fry Holder for Car
We love a positive review just as much as the next person, however, we can't help but think that Josh may have been a little over-zealous in his admiration for this product. Sure, a french fry holder for your car is pretty neat. But life-changing? We're not so sure about that.
Apart from making snacking on the go while you drive a little easier, we can't quite reach Josh's level of enthusiasm. But hey, it's the little things, right?
Astor Fresh Water Mechanical Bidet Seat Attachment
The United States leads the way when it comes to many things, but America is way behind when it comes to bathroom practices (pun intended). Bidets may not be common in the US, but they are present throughout Europe and the Middle East where several countries, such as Italy, have made it mandatory to install the plumbing fixture in every bathroom.
Using a bidet appears to have been quite a life-altering experience for the reviewer. Yep, an entire one percent better!
Hulk Smash Hands
The saying goes that everyone has the same 24 hours each day to get done all they need to do. If you happen to have 57.6 free hours, that’s how long you would need to watch all the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (For now, at least.)
Based on this review, it sounds as though this person’s grandson has really loved dressing up as the hulk. We can't say the same for his sister though...
Accoutrements 12389 Shakespearean Insult Bandages
These brutal bandages certainly give new meaning to the phrase, "rubbing salt into the wound." What could be harsher than dealing with the physical pain of an injury only to cover it with a stinging Shakespearean insult?
However, we have to tip our hat to Emily. We love a reviewer who sticks to a theme. So to Emily, we won't say, "You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian!"
Renova H&PC-53742 3 Ply Soft Black Toilet Loo Tissue
Well, Robert has officially crossed over to the Darkside...of toilet paper that is. One wipe and he was hooked on the delightfully dark rolls. We do hope that he is over-exaggerating when he says that this toilet tissue is his life now.
Word of warning to potential buyers: Avoid getting sucked into a black hole of toilet paper admiration like poor Robert here. There is more to life, people!
18 oz Red Plastic Cups
This reviewer, much like the cups he's reviewing, is not about the drama or the fuss. He gets right to the point. The very factual review tells it like it is. It's a cup.
If you're looking for a novel-esque review, look elsewhere. If you're looking to know exactly what you're getting, then we recommend turning to this reviewer who certainly got the "short and sweet" memo.
Accouterments Yodelling Pickle
To be fair, Justin Bieber has come a long way since 2012. But we cannot forget the 16-year-old kid who whined, “Baby, Baby, Baby” or “Never Say Never”. Happily, the Biebs changed up his style and is now putting out fresh hits, and had also cleaned up his act and matured a great deal.
That said, some people will still prefer a yodeling pickle, and to them, we say, “you should go and love yourself.”
Umbrella Hat
If small talk with strangers makes you sweat and you have sensitive skin, boy, is this the product for you! As the mysteriously named reviewer says, this hilarious umbrella hat makes for the perfect social deterrent.
So long to worrying about the sun or small talk with strangers, this hat will keep all your fears at bay!
Ostrich Travel Pillow
Comfort and cosplay usually don't mix, but as Jenny pointed out, this ostrich-inspired travel pillow will get you looking like Admiral Ackbar from the "Star Wars" Franchise in complete comfort.
The only difference between you and the Admiral will be that you'll be traveling by plane and not an intergalactic spaceship. Meh, minor details!
Soundance Laptop Stand
If there’s any animal that has a mind of its own, it has to be the domestic cat. From staring back indignantly when called, to treating their owner’s computer keyboard like a strutting runway, felines do what they please, when they please.
Perhaps it is because they were revered in Ancient Egypt, but cats still have a way of getting exactly what they want from their humans. For example, this laptop holder just pretends to be for people but is actually for purrers.
Wallmonkeys Senior Woman With Asthma Wall Decal
Friends come in all shapes and sizes… and dimensions. You thought a friend had to be 3D? Ha! Thought they had to breathe? Oh, you have much to learn. As this review proves, one can have the richest friendship with a sticker.
Commonalities are not the be-all and end-all — you can do an assortment of activities together, be content just in each other’s company, and never worry about falling out over an argument.
How to Avoid Huge Ships
We’ll be honest: we thought it was fairly easy to avoid large ships. Just, you know, don’t go near oceans or harbors or ship manufacture factories. But as you can see from this review, sometimes one finds themselves in a spot where one of these massive sea vessels is just there and it’s impossible to get away.
We agree with the Tyrrhenian Sea rock that the book’s author should work to make future editions more inclusive.
Crafting With Cat Hair
It’s fairly easy to spot a cat owner — all one has to do is look for clothing covered in copious amounts of feline fur. Sure, they could just brush up all those loose follicles and dispose of them, or they could get crafty by using the tips in this book.
And if you reckon that only people who are a few milk drops short of a carton would be into something like that, think again! This may be the perfect tool to finally stop strangers from making small talk with you.
Accouterments Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu Action Figures
Here’s a fun fact to remember for your next pub quiz: the concept of veganism has been around since the 1800s. While the plant-based lifestyle has since certainly gained popularity, many a meat-eater will tell you that bacon is just too good to give up.
Well with these toys you can now decide if you’re Team Tofu or Team Bacon.
Montegrappa Chaos Gold and Enamel Automatic Watch
The fact that this timepiece literally has the word “chaos” in its name likely means that its wearer prefers life a little on the wild side.
Adorned with skulls and serpents and massive chunks of gold, it’s not for everyone, but if that’s your style, the price tag of almost 90-grand is worth making sacrifices for, as this review demonstrates.
Pack of QEP Yellow Sponges
Do these sponges live in a pineapple under the sea? Unlikely. But are they absorbent and yellow and porous? You can bet your Bikini Bottom on it.
We’re not sure how effective these sponges actually are, considering that the reviewer preferred to recruit them as friends rather than put them to work cleaning dishes. If there isn’t one named Spongebob Squarepants, we’re going to be pretty disappointed…
The Kitty Pass Cat Door
Cats have ways of sneaking themselves into the most obscure places. Using the contortionist DNA which has surely been passed down the feline gene pool from the ancient Egyptians, cats manage to somehow fit into the smallest of crevices and pass through the narrowest of doorways.
This door makes the latter far easier to pull off — and, as a bonus, makes cat-hating husbands happy.
Pearl Enterprises Portable Pizza Pouch
If you’re someone who finds themselves peckish at inconvenient moments, this one is for you. Despite what nutritionists may say, pizza is a superfood. Depending on which toppings you choose, one slice can include calcium, protein, carbohydrates, and veggies. Seems like a good snack to have on hand, no?
Thanks to this portable pizza pouch, that’s exactly what you can do. And according to this review, it’s a good thing to have around if you find yourself stranded while hiking.
Danny DeVito Mini Cutout
With more than five decades in the movie biz, Danny DeVito is regarded as a Hollywood legend. His resumé as an actor, screenwriter, producer, and director includes films such as "Taxi," "One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest," and "Matilda" — not to mention having a Golden Globe and Emmy award under his belt.
Yet, none of these compare to DeVito’s role as guardian and protector in the form of this mini cutout.
Playmobil Airport Security Playset
Even the most seasoned traveler will likely admit that flying can be quite an ordeal. Dealing with airport security is tiresome enough to put anyone boarding off an aircraft.
This playset depicts the hassle involved in the typical security check, but seeing as the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is a government-operated authority, only a censored version of this review made it through…
BigMouth Inc. Tiny Hands Toy
Is there anything more inconvenient than large hands?! How is one supposed to accomplish anything with gigantic appendages that include enormous phalanges? Sigh. Thankfully, some genius recognized the massive problem and invented these tiny hands.
Now one can use them to complete all those important tasks like clapping at concerts performed by little mice musicians or opening tiny jars of jam.
Rubie’s Giant Inflatable Cell Phone
Yes, the current trend may be to make mobile phones thinner and slimmer. But as tech giants compete over who will be the first to make a cellphone tiny enough to get lost in one’s ear, have you ever thought that we’ve moved further away from how good things used to be?
Sometimes bigger is better! With this 1980s-style cell, none of your calls will ever drop. They may not connect either, but don’t get tangled up in the details.
Archie McPhee Accoutrements Giant Lobster Claws
Ever been in a pinch and needed a pair of giant lobster claws? No? Well, it's better to be safe than sorry! The solution is now in your hands (ahem).
And after you have accomplished your pinching mission, you can take up a life of vigilantism by using your new claws to fight crime like this reviewer.
Father-Riding Saddle
While this saddle — from here on known as a “daddle” — is appropriate for ages 3 and up, we do recommend that fathers aged 45 and above consult with their physician before partaking in any daddle activities.
As mentioned, this particular daddle is best suited for the more subdued, Western Style version of the sport, as opposed to the more complex English Father Riding Method (EFRM) variant from across the pond.
A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates
How many numbers are there? Well, it depends on how high you can count. While the easiest answer an an “infinite amount”, some argue that it is more correctly termed an “uncountable amount.”
Your high school mathematics teacher will tell you that numerals can be separated into natural numbers, real numbers, integers, and the like, but as the reviewer pointed out, they do all seem to include the same 10 digits… You’ve been warned.
Babymop Cleaning Romper
We have a pretty good feeling that this product was created by a parent who did not have enough time to clean the floor because they were too busy chasing after their toddler who had just learned to crawl. The result is, of course, genius.
Slip your tiny, restless wanderer into this romper which has absorbent material on one side, and let them roam free! When they grow too big to get the job down, we recommend following the reviewer’s advice.
Steering Wheel Mounted Desk
Driving can be extremely boring. Sure, it helps if there's a decent song on the radio, or if there is someone else in the vehicle to focus all your attention on. But most of the time it’s all about having to see what color the traffic light is, checking that you’re not on top of other cars, and avoiding those pedestrian things.
The reviewer claims that this item makes getting behind the wheel a far more productive endeavor. Caution! We're pretty sure this item is only to be used when the car is parked!
Tuscan Whole Milk
If you are someone who prefers their milk whole rather than in halves, quarters, or some other fraction, this product is for you. We’ve been told by a reliable source that this whole milk is twice as good as Tuscan Half Milk, and up to four times as good as Tuscan Quarter Milk!
With odds like that, we strongly advise you to not settle for anything less.
Morton Iodized Salt
When it comes to flavors, there always seems to be something new on the market. Foodies tend to go wild over things like garlic caramel, vanilla pepper, and chicken-flavored ice cream, but sometimes one just wants to stay put in their comfortable little taste bubble where the flavors all resemble things one can recall on the tip of their tongue.
So, thank you, salt, for being consistent. Your predictability is much appreciated.
Knight Black Brush Casket With Velvet Interior
We all know that the only certainties in life are death and taxes. Based on some very wealthy people who have managed to dodge the taxman, we’re going all-in on the former instead.
Without getting too morbid, it’s safe to say that the Grim Reaper is due to pay all of us a visit one day — isn’t it nice to know that your corporeal entity will be resting in comfort?
Ladies 8 Oz. Claw Hammer
Thank goodness this item comes in pink, else we’d have never known that it was meant for the fairer gender. Upon closer examination, we can clearly determine that its narrow handle is designed for more delicate fingers to grasp, and its head has less of an imposing masculine appearance.
Rumour has it that should this lady's claw hammer find itself in manly hands, it erases all Y-chromosomes within the period of 14 seconds.
Dill Pickle Lip Balm
If you're ever in a pickle and have no idea what gift to buy a friend, this lip balm may be the perfect present. You may be thinking that this gag gift only works because Jessica's friend's name happens to be Dill. Well...You would be right!
We recommend leaving this pickle-flavored balm on the internet where it belongs. Unless, of course, you know someone named Dill with a good (or bad, we can't tell) sense of humor.
Dancing with Cats
Are we human or are we dancers? (We apologize if you now have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day). Perhaps the better question is, is your cat dancing, and are you joining in? Felines have a reputation for not being the most social of creatures, instead preferring to observe the party from the sidelines.
But perhaps it’s because they haven’t learned the right moves? Or they haven’t found a song that they enjoy? Or they haven’t read this book?
Custom Nicolas Cage Pillowcase
On the list of national treasures, this pillowcase bearing the likeness of Nicolas Cage ranks supremely high. Cheap imitations may result in the face(off) of the star being gone in 60 seconds, but rest assured in knowing that the quality of this pillowcase is as solid as the Rock.
Should you find yourself leaving Las Vegas for the city of angels, we recommend that this pillowcase does not get left behind.
By the Cup Assorted Dehydrated Cereal Marshmallow Bits
Is it just us, or are the marshmallows that come in cereal boxes the superior version of the squishy candy? If you’re on Team Cereal, today may be the happiest day of your life. Instead of buying dozens of boxes of breakfast food just to pick out those lucky charms, you can now order 6-pounds worth of just the good stuff!
Please be advised, however, that according to this reviewer, there aren't enough marshmallows to fill a bathtub...So for you marshmallow bathers out there, you'll need to buy several bags apparently!
EZ Drinker Beer and Soda Guzzler Helmet
Doc Ock wins no points for being the villain in the "Spider-Man" universe, but we’re kind of envious that he has so many hands (tentacles?) to perform his despicable deeds.
In lieu of becoming a supervillain thanks to a mechanical tentacle harness being fused to our bodies, we’ve had to explore other means of carrying more items simultaneously. Want to hold a hot dog in each hand but not forget your drink? Hello, helmet!
Deerbusters Wolf Urine Lure
We’re not really sure where to begin with this… Do we start by asking why wolf urine is available for purchase? What the heck it’s used for? How one possibly accumulates 32 ounces of the stuff? Or perhaps the most pressing question — why on Earth someone would think it was a good idea to drink it?!
We guess we should thank this reviewer for informing us that original wolf urine is not that palatable and that we should rather seek out other flavors…
Archie McPhee Handi Squirrel
Admittedly, we have never had any aspirations to be a squirrel. Maybe it’s the nut diet that doesn’t speak to our foodie souls, or perhaps it’s because that furry tail looks like it would require a lot of grooming.
This hand puppet kit, however, has taken the tail out of the equation, meaning we can gradually explore any squirrel inclinations we may have. Pity about the lack of HDMI cable though…
Boyfriend Pillow
Settling into a new relationship can take some time to get used to. Especially when it comes to sharing your precious sleep space with a new person. However, we're not sure just how long it takes to get accustomed to a "Boyfriend Pillow" so it's understandable that this reviewer got a midnight fright!
Come to think of it, this pillow offers the cuddling benefits of having a boyfriend without the threat of flatulence...Hmm... maybe the odd scare here and there is worth it?
PDX Pet Design LICKI Brush
This device is designed to help you bond with your kitty. As it attempts to mimic the intimate grooming process between momma cat and her babies, it should leave your furry friend purring contently.
Unless, of course, your cat is similar to this person's feline. If so you'll just make yourself even less cool in your cat's eyes, which we didn't think was possible.
Rasta Imposta Get Real Stacked Pancakes Costume
Halloween is meant to be fun and exciting, but it can also involve a bunch of anxiety when it comes to coming up with a cool costume. Then again, the beauty of dressing up is that it allows you to be something other than yourself for an evening and embrace the idea that you can be whatever you want to be.
Yes, you can even cause everyone around you to salivate by becoming a giant stack of pancakes. Embrace the pancake power!
Giant Gummy Bears Party Python
Nothing is better than getting a product that serves multiple purposes. In this case, a giant gummy snake appears to offer both companionship and sustenance. Well, sustenance is a debatable term in this regard, but noshing on a snake like this will probably keep you from fainting.
According to this review, however, the sugar rush might also cause you to hallucinate a conversation with a giant talking snake. We guess it depends on what you're into!
Death Wish Single Serve Coffee Pods
It may just be us, but a coffee named “death wish” doesn’t exactly inspire confidence upon drinking…
This reviewer seems to... wish... that this coffee lived up to its name a little more. Perhaps the brand should consider a name change to the suggested "Kittens, Puppies, Sun & Rainbows."
Crown Sporting Goods Stainless Steel Whistle
Are all whistles created equal? Perhaps. For what it’s worth, this whistle, made of the finest, shiniest, smoothest, most stainless of steels, elicits a characteristic sound that cannot be mistaken.
The “woooo” is crisp, clear, and reaches the perfect pitch. It is ideal for sporting events or summoning a pack of hounds, and far outdoes any other whistle which only evokes a weak “woooo”.
Poop Like a Champion Healthy Choice Ultra-High Fiber Cereal
Considering this cereal contains both soluble and insoluble fiber, as well as psyllium husk, we can understand why it has the name that it does. We have a feeling that the objective is to make one more regular.
As this reviewer kindly points out, while this cereal isn't particularly tasty, it does the job it was created to do.
Canned WiFi Powered by Kinetic Energy
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is no longer accurate in the current age. Although psychological needs have formed the base of the famous triangle for decades, one could argue that Wi-Fi is a more pressing requirement.
If you want to see a person’s true character, see how they react when the Wi-Fi is down! Thankfully, this product seems able to assist with that. Hopefully, the flavor offerings will improve.
Beats Studio 3 Noise-Cancelling Headphones
Having a curious cat is not for the faint of heart. They require constant attention and affection. As you may have gleaned from this review, these earphones may make your job as a cat-parent a little more difficult!
It is possible that this set of noise-canceling headphones may work a little too well, so here’s hoping that Jason didn’t add an eye mask at checkout.
Extremely Durable Leggings
At some point, someone decided that leggings could be worn instead of pants. Oftentimes, the trouser substitute is made of material that is far thinner than regular pants would be, leaving them more susceptible to developing holes.
As you can see, based on this review, these leggings are some of the most durable on the market and deserve to be purchased in every color.